Dark places…

Posted October 22, 2021 Gary

Sometimes I find myself in a place where I don’t want to be. I expect so much from myself and to be perfect at everything. However, it doesn’t go that way most of the time. Thus, it puts me in a dark place where I over analyze everything I do and just sometimes wish my whole life was different. I find myself wishing I had all these things and could do what I want when I want. But, bills don’t stop coming.. You have to get to a point in your life where you have nothing to have no bills. Then you find yourself chasing this balance that doesn’t really exist anywhere else but in your head. When you work in IT you deal with tremendous amounts of stress as well. This just piles up on top of everything else. Not to mention when there are people in your life that are making your life decisions super hard to do. Not that they are not supportive but don’t see your vision and then you find yourself wondering if you are the crazy one thinking is this ever going to work or pan out for anything more then a super tough grind. Sucks when I am streaming with only 1 or 2 viewers. It’s even worse though with zero. This does happen. I think thats why live streaming is so much more difficult than actually making videos for YouTube. I have this vision of the kind of content I want to make but I just don’t have the means to do so. Then I find myself fighting for that creative string I know I have in me. I am always trying to do a million things and it’s difficult. But I keep telling myself it will work out. Everything will be worth it in the end. Yeah I have 1 to 2 viewers live streaming but some of these videos have thousands of views. I need to focus on that.. what needs to be done to keep that growing like it should. Create a plan and motivate myself again to get it going right. Life sucks sometimes and you will fall on your face more than once. But you have to get up and keep pushing. This is what I keep telling myself every day. Also, keep focus on the positive things: I have people that I can play with, I have people that use MY discord for games. I created this community of gaming without even really trying. Yeah this community is super small right now but it keeps growing in the right direction.

Just keep pushing more and more.. DONT give up! DONT stop making content. DONT listen to what other negative people have to say and INGORE the comments.